People don’t arrive at the early teen years and think, I’m going to find myself a real nice, abusive partner. Nobody thinks this way, but sometimes we accept poor behavior because we don’t feel good enough about ourselves to demand better behavior.

The bottom line is: NO ONE “deserves” abuse. Each one of us deserves to be loved and treated with respect. Often when we feel “less than” in some way our negative self talk causes us to make excuses for what happened: I’m not a good person, I deserved that. My parents always said I was stupid and rotten, no wonder my partner says it to me too. It must be true. 

Thoughts that abuse is ok or in some way justified, are not based on fact. No one deserves to be abused or mistreated (yes we keep repeating that for a reason). Some of us have poor feelings about ourselves that feel true but originate from beliefs and thoughts that are not totally based in reality. But, when you feel and think poorly of yourself, then you may continue to choose abusive relationships because you don’t feel confident enough about yourself to expect better behavior. Meaning, you think you’re not so great so you choose someone who treats you not so great. Imagine if you thought of yourself to be fabulously deserving of wonderful attention?

Sadly, many people, especially teens, don’t have these positive thoughts and images in their minds of what they deserve. Instead, they have a running dialogue in their heads that sounds like this: I stink at that. I can’t do anything right. I am not good enough. No one will love me. Everyone hates me. I am ugly. I am a loser. 

Sound familiar? Maybe not to everyone, and if it doesn’t sound familiar to you, you can be sure it is familiar to at least a few of your classmates. If you hear yourself saying these things to yourself, Stop it. You wouldn’t let your best friend say those things to him or herself so why can you say them to yourself? 

When you have negative feelings and thoughts about yourself (for whatever reason), your body language, some things you say, the emotions you emit, all provide clues to other people that you will put up with less than what you deserve. Because in your mind you believe this. It’s a tiny bit like you are giving other people permission to treat you badly – because you think you deserve it.

You don’t deserve abuse. Think about what you deserve. Think about why. Why would you ever think you deserve anything less than someone who is healthy and loving toward you? Did someone tell you so when you were younger? Or tell you so today? Why do you believe that person? Yes, the reasons why you may believe those things get tricky and complicated, but the bottom line is simple:

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED. NOT YOU. NOT YOUR FRIEND. NOT THE BULLY OR THE VICTIM. NO ONE.

You are who you are NOT because of, or in spite of, anyone else. YOU choose who you are. YOU choose who you date. YOU have free will.

You deserve someone who treats you with kindness, honesty, respect and love.