11 Dec Jealousy – take two
Do you have a jealous partner?
Having a jealous partner can make your relationship complicated because jealousy often disguises itself as “caring” about the other person when really jealousy is often about controlling the other person to calm your own personal fears. Often a person will feel jealous of the time his partner is spending with other people but then express that jealousy in terms of love, “I wouldn’t get so upset if I didn’t care so much about you”, “I just want you so much it makes me crazy to think of you with other people”, and “You are just so wonderful, I want to be with you all the time.” These statements both compliment and control.
And, let’s face it, the compliments feel good. Who doesn’t like to hear that they are so wonderful that the other person just can’t stop thinking about them or wanting to be with them? Wow! To feel wanted feels great. But realize that that feeling comes at a price: your freedom. Jealous partners can grow increasingly controlling and that can lead down a path to abuse.
People who are jealous (insecure), often look for other people who they can control. And can you guess who the easier people to control are? Yes, people who are also insecure. People who feel like they don’t deserve to be treated well. People who are happy to have attention, ANY type of attention, even if it comes at the price of being controlled. That is why, knowing who you are and building a stronger more confident self is so important- so that you don’t become abusive and you don’t allow abusive partners. When you have a strong sense of self, you are much more likely to kick Earl to the curb AND you are much more likely to choose a partner who treats you as you deserve- which means like a king or queen!
So, a reminder:
Controlling, insecure, jealous relationships are not healthy relationships (did you read the post, Healthy Relationships?). Healthy relationships are built on trust and mutual respect, not fear, insecurity, jealousy and control.
Don’t let jealousy control you or your relationship.
Have you ever felt jealous of someone in a relationship?