11 Dec What is dating abuse?
That abuse can be physical, emotional, psychological, digital, financial, and/or sexual.
Sometimes, dating abuse is very easy to see or define, such as hitting and punching, but other times it can be very subtle, like comments such as, “I don’t want you to hang out with Suzy because I care about you.” That comment may not seem overly “abusive” but when it is made to control and isolate another person it crosses the line from caring into abusive. It is a comment that is meant to force someone to behave a certain way. Forcing someone to do something is aggression, and being aggressive is abusive.
Violence and/or aggressive/controlling behavior = abuse
Here are just a few examples of the different types of dating abuse behaviors:
Some examples of PHYSICAL abuse include intentional…
Hitting, slapping, biting, kicking, grabbing, shaking, burning, choking, throwing, shoving, locking or restraining a person alone in a room.
Some examples of EMOTIONAL or PSYCHOLOGICAL abuse include…
Threats, rumors and insults with the intention to control, embarrass or humiliate the partner OR to isolate the partner from his or her parents/family/friends. This includes, controlling what the partner does, who s/he sees and talks to, limiting outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions, name-calling, playing mind games, making a partner feel guilty, destroying property, even abusing pets.
Threatening to leave or commit suicide (“I’m going to kill myself if you break up with me!”)
Saying the abuse never happened (“That’s not abuse. I never abused you. You’re making it all up!”)
Making the partner do illegal things (“If you don’t steal the money for me, you will be really sorry!”)
Threatening to expose something the partner did (“Remember those naked photos I took of you….?”)
Telling malicious (meaning mean or evil) lies about the partner to other people (“She’s really easy. Go out with her and you’ll get what you want.”)
Some examples of SEXUAL abuse include forced…
kissing, touching, intercourse, penetration, WHETHER SOBER OR NOT. Any form of manipulation or making threats to get sex is abuse. (Note: Feeling guilty about a sexual act committed under the influence of alcohol or drugs, when you were not forced, is not sexual abuse. It’s guilt. And it commonly occurs with alcohol or drug use and sex. Feeling guilty that you forced someone into a sexual act while you were under the influence of drugs and alcohol IS abuse coupled with guilt.)
Examples of what people might say before sexual abuse:
“If you really loved me, you’d show me.”
“But I just find you so beautiful/hot, I can’t control myself.”
“You know you want to. Come on, just for me?”
An example of FINANCIAL abuse would be….
Being told how to spend/save your money. For example:
“You’re buying tonight.” And you probably buy every night.
“You can’t spend your money on that. I won’t allow it.”
“You need to give me some money or I won’t date you.”
An example of digital abuse would be….
Hacking into your private emails, texts, etc., or posting personal information about you without your permission.
Some examples include:
“Who’s texting you right now?”
“Who’s that that you have a streak with? I don’t want you snapping him/her.”
“I posted that picture because you look so hot, everyone should see your body.”
Just btw, please don’t share your passwords with anyone! If you are pressured to do so, that’s a very clear sign to NOT share, like ever.
This topic is heavy, so fasten your seat belt and hold on. Warning signs are up next….
Do you recognize any of these behaviors in someone you know? How does that make you feel?