Abuse can start out immediately in a relationship or it can come on gradually, usually after you’ve developed feelings towards a person.

Here is what happened to Terri. Pay attention to the words in BOLD:

Terri was dating her boyfriend for 2 months before he began to abuse her. The abuse began slowly with power and control tactics. First, he told her things that scared her and made her more dependent on him, such as “Those people are not really your friends. It’s a good thing you have me to look after you.” Then he insulted her and became very critical of the decisions she made. For instance, he told her she didn’t read very intelligent books or wear the right clothes. He then became verbally abusive, “You are an idiot. Why can’t you have an intelligent conversation without me? Do I have to do everything for you?” She began to change in order to please him. She was desperate for his “love.”

Notice how Terri’s boyfriend began to stifle (meaning to smother, put down) her sense of self? Notice, too, how he would use language that made her feel like he was looking out for her. In this way, Terri often felt as if she needed him. This part of his personality was not clear in the beginning of their relationship, but revealed itself later when Terri had developed feelings for him and felt dependent on him.

What would you do if you were Terri?

Soon he was checking in on her all the time, not allowing her to hang out with her friends, reading all of her texts. He followed her to the mall one time and made her leave with him. He drove her to a secluded place and forced himself on her and then made her promise not to tell. He threatened to hurt her (and he even threatened to kill her dog) if she told anyone. He also blamed the incident on her, “If you hadn’t gone out, I would not have had to search for you and then I would not have gotten so angry. And then when I picked you up, you just looked so hot, I just lost control.”

What would you do if you were Terri?

Terri was extremely distraught at this point. The relationship had been going on for over 5 months. She couldn’t take it anymore. She even considered suicide. She eventually confronted him and tried to break up. He once again blamed her for his behavior, making up a lie that she was the one who was weak and therefore deserved it. Then he hurt her in places where no one could see. He warned her that they could never break up.

What would you do if you were Terri?

Have you ever experienced some of those signs of abuse that were highlighted throughout the story or in the list mentioned above?

No one wants you to experience what Terri did. If you can relate to any of the words in bold, or the story in general, or know someone like Terri (boy or girl) then these posts will help. Read them all and focus on the sub post, Your Best Defense. Because your best defense is a good offense. And a good offense begins with who you are – someone strong enough to seek support and figure a safe way out of the relationship. Like. Now. 

Terri fell into these statistics:

* 1 in 5 girls will be involved in violence.

* 1 in 4 girls report that their boyfriends are over-controlling.

* 1 in 4 girls will go further than they want to sexually due to pressure from the boyfriend.

And worse, 1 in 3 teen girls who die are killed at the hands of their boyfriend.

Sorting out loving behavior from controlling behavior can be quite difficult. If you feel like you have experienced some of the highlighted words above, talk to someone about what you are experiencing.

Well, now that you know the warning signs, let’s look at some ways to prevent abuse before it starts….