08 Feb Why do parents divorce?
Parents divorce for any number of reasons:
– I got married too young
– She cheated on me. He cheated on me.
– I stopped loving her. I stopped loving him.
– We simply fell apart.
– She changed and I didn’t want to be with her anymore.
– I changed and wanted to be alone.
– He was abusive. She was controlling.
So many reasons exist that we couldn’t possibly list them all. But the children are never to blame. The adults are the adults and they ultimately hold the responsibility for what happens… no matter what the reason.
Most parents divorce because they feel that they will be happier if they get a divorce and some may also believe that this will be a better role model for their children than staying in an unhappy relationship. They may feel that living in separate homes where they don’t fight with each other so often is better than living in a home filled with constant tension (meaning, stress from fighting or arguing).
However, some parents stay together for the sake of the kids. These parents feel that being a family is more important than being personally happy in the relationship. In some of these cases, the kids feel that the marriage is strained and this can cause confusion about what a happy, healthy marriage looks like.
Whatever decision your parents make, try to remember that most of them believe they are doing the right thing for their family. Although, you may not agree with that decision or you may feel angry/sad/confused/(you name it) about it, understanding their perspective may help you to come to terms with what is happening.
If your parents divorced, it’s okay to ask them why. Even if they can’t tell you every detail, they may give you some ideas on what happened and that may make you feel better. Understand though that they are getting divorced because they are hurting and this can sometimes cause people to say unkind things about the other person.
If your parents are not divorced but you think they are headed that way, have a talk with them about your concerns. Open up the lines of communication. Let them know your concerns. They may not be able to tell you that everything is fine, but talking about the situation can clarify it and shed light on what is happening.
Are you able to talk to your parents about their divorce or their marriage? How does that feel for you?