Terms for dating change faster than clothing styles. Teens use terms like “seeing” someone or “getting with” someone to mean what most people call “dating:” hanging out with someone socially in a relationship that is more than a friendship. That “more” quality usually means that you are more intimate with that person, likely in a physical way. However, when you first start to date someone, part of that relationship is assessing if being physical with that person appeals to you. There’s a physical element to dating that is not present in friendships.

Moreover, exactly what it means to date changes faster than iPhone updates. In some places, people actually ask the other person “out,” saying something (usually awkwardly) like, “Will you go out with me?” If the person says, “Yes” than the two people are clearly considered to be dating. However, that’s not always how it happens. Sometimes, people just start hanging out with each other and nothing is ever formally said, but given how much time they spend together, the people are considered to be dating.

Exactly what terms are used and exactly how dating happens in your school can sometimes be fuzzy. The problem with fuzzy is that it is easier for someone’s feeling to get hurt when things are not clear. For example, you may think that hanging out with Luke is really cool. And so you hang out a lot. And laugh a lot. And text a lot. But, then you are at a party and this totally hot boy hits on you, and you end up kissing madly in a closet somewhere (hey, this is just an imaginary story to get the point across). But the next day, you find out that Luke is totally crushed that you cheated on him. Cheated on him? Say what? You weren’t ever dating! Or were you? Perhaps, according to the teen guessing game show, “Are we dating or not?” maybe you were… and the audience says….

Be careful of fuzzy. Dating is not a game or a game show. If you are spending lots of time with someone and you start to wonder what is actually happening, consider talking about it.