Trying not to take things personally when you are with your friends is generally a good habit to develop. Ask yourself, Is that the way she is with everybody or just with me? Here’s a scenario that can happen when you automatically take things personally:

Darcy sent invitations out for her upcoming 12th birthday. Jen didn’t get one and immediately felt left out and convinced herself that it was because she was a loser and everyone hated her (she took it personally and then added personal insults – ouch). Jen could not stop thinking about how everyone else but her had been invited. The next day Darcy’s mom called Jen’s mom. The invitation had been returned due to an error in the address. A couple days later, the invitation showed up in the mail clearly marking where it had been sent once and returned. Jen had been invited all along.

In this example, Jen spent the entire day down on herself and convincing herself that she was worthless, all because of an address error! She took the lack of invitation personally rather than finding out what really happened first. Even if she had NOT been invited, the lack of invitation would really have been a reflection of Darcy’s issues: Maybe Darcy didn’t invite Jen because she felt threatened by Jen’s popularity. In this case, it’s not an attack on Jen – Darcy wouldn’t invite ANYONE she felt was more popular than her because Darcy is insecure. It’s not PERSONAL against Jen. It’s a personal problem that Darcy has… if that had really been the case.

Learning not to take things personally is a developed skill; it can take time and practice. It is strengthened the most though by really knowing WHO YOU ARE and being confident in yourself. Then when something happens that you COULD take personally, you are able to sit back and think, I think that has more to do with him than me. I know I am okay.