What to do if you are the person doing the bullying…

If you are being a Bully and you are reading this page, you may have already taken the biggest step in changing your behavior: ADMITTING that you Bully.  That can be a very difficult step for people to take and therefore, most people avoid admitting it.  But if you are reading this, maybe it means you’re NOT avoiding it and you want to do something about it.  Here’s what you can do:

  • First, just STOP. Stop. Make the world around you just stop for a moment. Now relax. Take a deep breath. Connect with yourself. Here is a simple quiz that may shock you: On a scale of 1-10, how easy (10 being easy as cake) is it for you to just be still and connect with yourself – to be real with yourself? Who are you? Thinking about navigating away from this page right now means you are having trouble with this one. And we suspect you might be. People who Bully are avoiding being real with themselves because to do so may cause a lot of pain. Are you having an AH-HA moment or are you still unable to be still and just stop?

  • Talk to adults whom you trust. They can provide the support that you need to help change your behavior.

  • Before you act out and lash out to someone, think how the other person would feel.  Imagine yourself in his shoes. This can be difficult for some people. Your Bullying side may say to yourself, No way.  I would never be as pathetic as that. We are not asking you to be pathetic, just to think about what it would feel like to be someone else or to say or do the things that YOU do, TO you.

(BTW – if that rings a bell in your head, and you think I already know how that feels, my _______ does it to me all the time. Well, you just may have come across a major reason why you Bully that you may want to explore in more detail.)

  • Take it step-by-step.  Tell yourself that you won’t Bully your target the next time you see her.  Stop one act at a time.

  • Get help for your actions. Look into ways you can control your actions. Notice when you are Bullying.  Is there a pattern?  In front of your friends? After a fight with your girlfriend?  Parents? Before a test?  This may help you become more aware of your “danger” situations.

  • Ask yourself, “Why do I Bully?”  “How does it make me feel?”  “What do I get from it that drives me to do it?  “What might I gain if I stop?”

  • Read the Your Self Series from the first page to the last.  You will learn so much about yourself, improve your anger management, have more insight, make better decisions… and you won’t have time to bully since you’ll be reading and self-improving!

According to www.stopbullying.gov, people who Bully others:


  • Have a higher risk of abusing alcohol or drugs in adolescence and as adults
  • Are more likely to get into fights and vandalize property
  • Are more likely to drop out of school
  • Are more likely to have criminal convictions as adults
  • Are more likely to be abusive towards their partners and children as adults

DON’T be a part of these trends!

Do something now to create a better future for you and all those around you.

Post Question: If you have bullied someone in the past, what did it feel like when you did it? How do you feel about it now? What amends did you make or could you make now?

Leave a Reply

3 responses to “What to do if you are the person doing the bullying…”

  1. Katelyn vita October 12, 2017 at 8:22 pm
    Katelyn vita

    I think if you see someone getting bullied you should go and stick up for them and you should not be that persons friend anymore.

  2. WLKHS002 May 8, 2017 at 1:05 pm

    I have bullied/picked on people in the past. At the time i thought it was funny, but now i feel guilty about it

    1. chris May 8, 2017 at 4:53 pm

      The guilt is because you now have empathy and that’s a good thing! So give yourself credit for that. Then, think a little bit about what might be helpful in releasing that guilt. What would it take for you to not feel guilty? Feel free to talk to a trusted adult if it is really bothering you.